There are no-go areas when it comes to who you date. And dating your friend’s ex is a definite no-no. But according to relationship expert Karabo Libate, there are exceptions to every rule.
Below is the girl code Karabo suggested women should consider:
- Don’t date your friend’s ex.
- Don’t hook up with your friend’s ex.
- Don’t talk about how you like your friend’s ex.
- Don’t get into a relationship with your friend’s ex.
Said Karabo: “Basically, stay away from someone a friend dated. I’d be devastated if a friend dated my ex because, sometimes, we don’t break up with people because we stopped loving them, but because the relationship wasn’t working out.
“You still want to be with the person, but circumstances are forcing a break-up. Seeing that ex with your friend will be a betrayal and torture of monumental proportions because your girl will tell you about their relationship.
“You’ll bump into them on a date and it will hurt and might even jeopardise the friendship.”
Asked Karabo: “What happens if the ex and the friend decide to get back together?”
She said dating a friend’s ex was just messy, unless they hooked up only once and she really didn’t care about him at all.
“You just shouldn’t go near someone your friend had real feelings for,” Karabo said.
“It doesn’t matter how many times your friend says she doesn’t mind you dating her ex, she does, in some way.
“Yes, there are exceptions, but in most cases, the friend will lie. They don’t want to feel stupid, they really do want to be okay with it, or they want to try and avoid unnecessary drama.”
But Nombeko Zikhali seemed okay with dating her friend’s ex.
Asserted Nombeko: “I see no problem because the heart wants what it wants and you can’t control who you fall for.
“I’m in a relationship with my friend’s ex and everything is perfect. I see less of my friend because of how she reacted when I broke the news to her.
“It was funny because we both had a crush on the same guy.
“But they had a brief relationship which, to me, doesn’t qualify as a relationship.”
Nombeko said one shouldn’t be scared to love someone because of a friend.
“I value friendships, but I’m also responsible for making myself happy. If my friend’s ex makes me happy, then I won’t hold back. What if he’s my life partner? We make friends everyday, but prince charming is not always available.”
Marriage counsellor Rachel Khambule said dating a friend’s ex was anything but a nice practice.
“It doesn’t feel good to see your ex with someone new, whether you’re over him or not. It’s worse when it’s with one of your good friends,” Rachel said.
“Also, there’s a very good chance that you could lose your friend here, and you have to ask yourself if he is worth it.”
Rachel said if this girl or guy is a good friend to you and had always been there for you, why risk losing them?
According to Rachel, you’d probably feel hurt and betrayed if one of your besties started dating your ex.
“It can affect a person psychologically. You’d probably start wondering if they always felt this way about each other. You might start worrying that things were going on behind your back when you were dating your ex,” she said.
“It doesn’t feel good, and you wouldn’t want someone to make you feel this way, so you know what they say. Treat others how you want to be treated.
“Even if you have your friend’s permission, things will be a little awkward.”
Rachel said things got even more awkward and confusing if your friend wasn’t okay with it.
Insisted Rachel: “If your friend gets really angry that you’re dating her ex and you two stop being friends, chances are you’ll lose at least one more friend.
“In situations like these, friends tend to stick together. And since your friend is the victim, she might get the supporters, leaving you alone with no one by your side.
“Surely, this doesn’t always happen, but it could. Even if your friend doesn’t seem weird about things, you might be the one who does feel weird about stuff.”
She said without even meaning for it to happen, you might start comparing your relationship to theirs.
You might start questioning everything he does with you and get jealous, which is never good in a relationship.
Simphiwe Ndlovu thought a friend and an ex hooking up meant they’d been eyeing each other for a while.
“It can’t be a sudden thing, it has to start somewhere. And for them to even think of doing it would be telling,” she said.